What is love? What is falling in love? These are important questions that lie at the very depths of our beings, so I'll answer as best I can, from a combination of my own explorations in this area as well as information that I receive.
From the point of view of your soul, love is who you are. Love is what your soul experiences when it connects with another soul. Ultimate soul-based love is a return to oneness, where you and another, as souls, become one and experience that unity as an even greater form of love. Divine love is so intense that if you could see it as light, it would seem blinding. And yet, this is the experience that the soul "lives for", and the one that we yearn to find when we take human form.
As humans, we are deeply rooted in a world of duality. This fosters separateness between people, and assists each soul in its individual development. However, though you don't consciously remember what it is to be in the perfect purity of divine love, you are still driven to return to that feeling which is ultimately Home. If you've ever truly felt that "Home is where the heart is", or Home is in the arms of your beloved, then you've relived that feeling of reuniting, of wanting to be so close to another that you want to overlap in the same space. Separateness is not who we are, but it is the schoolroom in which we learn to interact with other souls within a different set of rules, and to transcend all of it in the end by seeing other people as other souls rather than focusing on the clothing of personality that they present to the world.
So love is who you are at your core, and your job is to return to that core by peeling away the layers of false beliefs and fears that may be clouding your view of it. In this sense, love is indeed a choice that you make until you realize that you are nothing else, but don't feel that you should present a Pollyanna-like face to the world when there is turbulence going on inside. Rather, it is a recognition that you are on a path, and every step on that path is serving you to bring you to new awareness, making it easier to let go of old perceptions. Everyone has had experiences in their lives that have held them stuck in certain belief patterns, and your soul is helping you find ways to release those patterns, even by what may feel like draconian methods. It is my hope that what I can bring can somehow make this process easier for people, whether it be in the form of information, energy, or so much love that it bathes away whatever is causing pain to those around me.
When you fall in love, it's normally because your soul has recognized another soul with which it has a particularly deep connection. Normally, this connection has a purpose to help you learn about yourself in this lifetime. This can take the form of mirroring an aspect of yourself that you have been denying, or to show you that you have a repeating pattern in your relationships that needs to be healed, or to help you grow in a new direction. One type of repeating pattern is an addiction to the heights of being in love, to that initial period where you may believe that the other person is perfect, and they make you feel perfect. Hasn't it been said that love is blind? The danger inherent to this type of addiction is that this is not only an illusion that will eventually fade and potentially leave you feeling worse than before because you've just added to your list of unsuccessful relationships, but most importantly, it's symptomatic of the fact that you may be looking for love, for validation, from the outside instead of having achieved in on the inside.
That being said, it's far easier to come to appreciate the fullness of who you are and to release the parts that no longer serve you, when you have the support of someone who loves you deeply. It may even be easier if this person is more of a friend than a romantic partner because you are less likely to temper your development due to a fear that your changing will affect them somehow, potentially resulting in a withdrawal of that love.
The ultimate secret is that when you have seen the love that lies in your own heart right now, you are able to love someone else with an intensity that eclipses the feeling of falling in love which is actually something that happens outside of your conscious control. And the other part of the secret is that you can achieve this level of love in a non-romantic setting, with many people at the same time. Can you think of a more joyful way to experience life?
How all of this may unfold for you can be quite different than for someone else. But at any point of your journey, just know that you are loved. You may not see it or feel it immediately, but love for you abounds.
Helene
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
All you need is love... or is it? (Part 2)
The subject of human needs seems to vary depending on where you are in your life. But certain constants seem to emerge from my conversations with people. Yesterday, I discussed some of the aspects of the need for love, and I will return to this topic here as well. First, there are two other fundamental needs that I'd like to offer for your consideration.
When we discuss the need for safety, people generally think in terms of physical safety. Certainly, physical survival is at the core of our amygdala, better known as the "reptile brain", where ancient instincts prompt us to strive for life. In this day and age, however, if your basic survival needs are met in the form of a roof over your head and food on the table, the concept of physical safety takes on a different form. There is a difference between using common sense, such as locking your doors at night as a matter of course, and being preoccupied with protecting yourself. If you find yourself constantly vigilant about your safety, a state that the media appears to promote with reports about all of the different contaminants in food, soil and the air we breathe, threats of terrorism and disease, and risks to your financial wellbeing, then you may want to question yourself on how much of your life has been relinquished to fear. You must drive your car with your eyes open, but if you are overly focused on what could go wrong as you drive, there may be much that you are missing in your journey. You get to choose what you focus on, and by allowing trust in yourself to be foremost in your decisions, your life will lighten considerably.
However, the real purpose for discussing safety is the subconscious need for emotional safety. The prevalence of this need has actually come as a surprise to me since it's one that we normally underplay. But consider this: does it feel safe to be more successful than your parents? Is it safe to step outside of the norms of society and dare to experience who you really are, whether it be an interest in the metaphysical or a different sexual orientation? How safe does it feel to break away from an addiction, since you would no longer know how to define yourself?
Emotional safety seems to be at the basis of many patterns that we set our willpower to change with limited success. Unless we can acknowledge this hidden impetus for our behavior, then the ability to change and grow is severely constrained. Where could this apply in your life?
A fascinating example of safety issues being triggered happened to a friend of mine. He asked me about a swelling on the side of his neck that had been painful for over 4 months. He had visited his medical doctor, who twice put him on an antibiotic regiment with no results. When we traced back to what was taking place in his life when this problem first arose, we realized that it coincided with his decision that his then-current relationship with a passionately emotional woman would soon come to an end. It is precisely this which prompted my friend to (subconsciously) physically protect his jugular vein against a possible lashing out. Once this was brought to light, a short treatment with energy work was administered, and two days later the swelling had completely and permanently disappeared.
The second "need" that regularly arises is a sense of worth, a desire to feel that you are contributing somehow, whether to a conversation or to society. This is a little tricky to discuss, because what one person will consider valuable will be summarily dismissed by another. The ideal, according to many spiritual traditions such as the Tao Te Ching, is to place your full attention on and derive full satisfaction from any activity that you choose to perform. I have yet to be entirely and consistently successful at this. So while we work on that, it's a good reminder that what we do for ourselves, such as preparing a well-balanced meal or taking the time to improve our physical fitness, is just as important as what we do for others. That being said, if you're really feeling anxiety in this area, then I recommend helping someone for a few hours. The topic of uncovering your life's purpose will be the subject of a future post. For now, know that you are an individual with a set of skills, preferences and experiences that is completely unique, and the value that you bring cannot be fulfilled by any other.
As we move towards transcending external needs, we come back to love being at the basis of it all. Love is a magical emotion that not only heals, but also expands with use! There is actually no limit to the amount of love that your heart can express. And this is where it can become a little confusing. You can love someone deeply at the soul level without it having to take on the form of a romantic relationship. It happens rather frequently that people meet and connect instantly, especially in a setting such as a spiritual conference. We have been conditioned to associate such a strong heart connection to a destiny of long-term relationship, or even to the concept of soul mates. But as we move into a time where the planet's vibration is rising (as scientists have verified), remember that the heart is the first to respond, and it is through this expansion of the love held within everyone that peace will be found. So enjoy this love, share it if it feels right for you, and call upon your intuition and other senses to discern where this love fits in your life.
A final word about hugs... When you give a quick hug to someone, it's like saying: "I'm glad that I got to see you". But if you have the courage to extend the hug to ten or even thirty seconds, then you are saying: "I open my heart to you. I'm grateful that you're in my life." It's a beautiful, healing and even transforming experience that I, for one, am only too happy to share!
May you enjoy a hug today,
Helene
When we discuss the need for safety, people generally think in terms of physical safety. Certainly, physical survival is at the core of our amygdala, better known as the "reptile brain", where ancient instincts prompt us to strive for life. In this day and age, however, if your basic survival needs are met in the form of a roof over your head and food on the table, the concept of physical safety takes on a different form. There is a difference between using common sense, such as locking your doors at night as a matter of course, and being preoccupied with protecting yourself. If you find yourself constantly vigilant about your safety, a state that the media appears to promote with reports about all of the different contaminants in food, soil and the air we breathe, threats of terrorism and disease, and risks to your financial wellbeing, then you may want to question yourself on how much of your life has been relinquished to fear. You must drive your car with your eyes open, but if you are overly focused on what could go wrong as you drive, there may be much that you are missing in your journey. You get to choose what you focus on, and by allowing trust in yourself to be foremost in your decisions, your life will lighten considerably.
However, the real purpose for discussing safety is the subconscious need for emotional safety. The prevalence of this need has actually come as a surprise to me since it's one that we normally underplay. But consider this: does it feel safe to be more successful than your parents? Is it safe to step outside of the norms of society and dare to experience who you really are, whether it be an interest in the metaphysical or a different sexual orientation? How safe does it feel to break away from an addiction, since you would no longer know how to define yourself?
Emotional safety seems to be at the basis of many patterns that we set our willpower to change with limited success. Unless we can acknowledge this hidden impetus for our behavior, then the ability to change and grow is severely constrained. Where could this apply in your life?
A fascinating example of safety issues being triggered happened to a friend of mine. He asked me about a swelling on the side of his neck that had been painful for over 4 months. He had visited his medical doctor, who twice put him on an antibiotic regiment with no results. When we traced back to what was taking place in his life when this problem first arose, we realized that it coincided with his decision that his then-current relationship with a passionately emotional woman would soon come to an end. It is precisely this which prompted my friend to (subconsciously) physically protect his jugular vein against a possible lashing out. Once this was brought to light, a short treatment with energy work was administered, and two days later the swelling had completely and permanently disappeared.
The second "need" that regularly arises is a sense of worth, a desire to feel that you are contributing somehow, whether to a conversation or to society. This is a little tricky to discuss, because what one person will consider valuable will be summarily dismissed by another. The ideal, according to many spiritual traditions such as the Tao Te Ching, is to place your full attention on and derive full satisfaction from any activity that you choose to perform. I have yet to be entirely and consistently successful at this. So while we work on that, it's a good reminder that what we do for ourselves, such as preparing a well-balanced meal or taking the time to improve our physical fitness, is just as important as what we do for others. That being said, if you're really feeling anxiety in this area, then I recommend helping someone for a few hours. The topic of uncovering your life's purpose will be the subject of a future post. For now, know that you are an individual with a set of skills, preferences and experiences that is completely unique, and the value that you bring cannot be fulfilled by any other.
As we move towards transcending external needs, we come back to love being at the basis of it all. Love is a magical emotion that not only heals, but also expands with use! There is actually no limit to the amount of love that your heart can express. And this is where it can become a little confusing. You can love someone deeply at the soul level without it having to take on the form of a romantic relationship. It happens rather frequently that people meet and connect instantly, especially in a setting such as a spiritual conference. We have been conditioned to associate such a strong heart connection to a destiny of long-term relationship, or even to the concept of soul mates. But as we move into a time where the planet's vibration is rising (as scientists have verified), remember that the heart is the first to respond, and it is through this expansion of the love held within everyone that peace will be found. So enjoy this love, share it if it feels right for you, and call upon your intuition and other senses to discern where this love fits in your life.
A final word about hugs... When you give a quick hug to someone, it's like saying: "I'm glad that I got to see you". But if you have the courage to extend the hug to ten or even thirty seconds, then you are saying: "I open my heart to you. I'm grateful that you're in my life." It's a beautiful, healing and even transforming experience that I, for one, am only too happy to share!
May you enjoy a hug today,
Helene
Friday, October 9, 2009
All you need is love... or is it?
There are many sides to this story, the list of what people feel they need. Because this is such a vast subject, today I'll focus on the part of the equation that is love and I'll present my other views tomorrow.
To a very large extent, the Beatles had it right: if you have love, you don't need anything else. What I mean by this is that most of the challenges that people face, especially from a personal satisfaction and behavioral perspective, can be distilled down to the desire to feel love. For example, if someone criticizes you, then they are probably trying, subconsciously no doubt, to feel better about themselves and they think they can achieve it by making themselves look good in comparison to you. If you often experience the need to be right, it just might be that you believe deep down that if you can show you're intelligent then people will value you. If you feel driven to do things for others, it could be that you have a compassionate nature or it could also be symptomatic of wanting to be appreciated by others.
These three examples have one thing at their root: they are three different ways that reflect the desire to be loved - through being valued and appreciated. So if you feel this love already, then those behaviors lose their tenacity over you and it's easier to release them. I have never met anyone who didn't have the desire to be loved. But the real key is not in being loved, but rather to love. Think of holding a baby, especially your own. Even if the baby is sleeping, in which case he/she is not giving you anything (other than the trust to let you hold them), the intensity of the love that runs through your heart as you hold and behold this tiny soul knows no bounds. This is the love that is coming from you and through you, and in doing so, it permeates your entire being. This love is complete, doesn't depend on someone else, and can be felt anytime you choose simply by recalling this moment.
This is very different from receiving love from someone else, which is also wonderful. However, if you become dependent on this external love, then you just might find yourself behaving in such a way as to protect this channel of love, even to the extent of changing your behavior and not expressing your true feelings for fear of losing the external source to your sense of wellbeing. This can easily lead to a pattern in your life of looking "out there" or in someone else, for your own happiness. The pattern will likely continue until you are able to shift to a position where you are central in your life, and you are responsible for feeling good. Needless to say, this is a tall order, but it is so fulfilling as to be the new basis on which you then operate.
A beautiful soul came into my life in 2002 by the name of Bonnie. Bonnie opened me up to Reiki, my first experience at being able to use energy for healing purposes. She has a heart of gold, and in three different instances, spent two days with me, one-on-one, going over the principles and practicalities of living a heart-based life. I came away from these sessions as if on a cloud of bliss, and stayed in that state for days and sometimes weeks. And while in that state, everything around me changed. People could sense me approaching as if I were wearing chimes. They picked up on the love that I was emitting, for love is a vibration that shares with others, even if you're not trying. Things that could have bothered me before simply "were", and I didn't get involved in the minor dramas. So on that basis, becoming love means that you don't need anything else because everything else will simply flow from it.
However, most of us live in a situation that is a little removed from a constant Zen state, and sustaining a feeling of complete bliss is not something that I've managed on a continuous basis. So while I focus on operating from love, and on bringing myself back to it when I deviate, there are two other "pillars" of happiness that I've found are rather common: a sense of safety (physical and emotional) and a sense of value. I'll be discussing these tomorrow.
So just for today, remember what it feels like to love, and expand that feeling to encompass your entire being. It'll be like giving yourself a hug!
Helene
To a very large extent, the Beatles had it right: if you have love, you don't need anything else. What I mean by this is that most of the challenges that people face, especially from a personal satisfaction and behavioral perspective, can be distilled down to the desire to feel love. For example, if someone criticizes you, then they are probably trying, subconsciously no doubt, to feel better about themselves and they think they can achieve it by making themselves look good in comparison to you. If you often experience the need to be right, it just might be that you believe deep down that if you can show you're intelligent then people will value you. If you feel driven to do things for others, it could be that you have a compassionate nature or it could also be symptomatic of wanting to be appreciated by others.
These three examples have one thing at their root: they are three different ways that reflect the desire to be loved - through being valued and appreciated. So if you feel this love already, then those behaviors lose their tenacity over you and it's easier to release them. I have never met anyone who didn't have the desire to be loved. But the real key is not in being loved, but rather to love. Think of holding a baby, especially your own. Even if the baby is sleeping, in which case he/she is not giving you anything (other than the trust to let you hold them), the intensity of the love that runs through your heart as you hold and behold this tiny soul knows no bounds. This is the love that is coming from you and through you, and in doing so, it permeates your entire being. This love is complete, doesn't depend on someone else, and can be felt anytime you choose simply by recalling this moment.
This is very different from receiving love from someone else, which is also wonderful. However, if you become dependent on this external love, then you just might find yourself behaving in such a way as to protect this channel of love, even to the extent of changing your behavior and not expressing your true feelings for fear of losing the external source to your sense of wellbeing. This can easily lead to a pattern in your life of looking "out there" or in someone else, for your own happiness. The pattern will likely continue until you are able to shift to a position where you are central in your life, and you are responsible for feeling good. Needless to say, this is a tall order, but it is so fulfilling as to be the new basis on which you then operate.
A beautiful soul came into my life in 2002 by the name of Bonnie. Bonnie opened me up to Reiki, my first experience at being able to use energy for healing purposes. She has a heart of gold, and in three different instances, spent two days with me, one-on-one, going over the principles and practicalities of living a heart-based life. I came away from these sessions as if on a cloud of bliss, and stayed in that state for days and sometimes weeks. And while in that state, everything around me changed. People could sense me approaching as if I were wearing chimes. They picked up on the love that I was emitting, for love is a vibration that shares with others, even if you're not trying. Things that could have bothered me before simply "were", and I didn't get involved in the minor dramas. So on that basis, becoming love means that you don't need anything else because everything else will simply flow from it.
However, most of us live in a situation that is a little removed from a constant Zen state, and sustaining a feeling of complete bliss is not something that I've managed on a continuous basis. So while I focus on operating from love, and on bringing myself back to it when I deviate, there are two other "pillars" of happiness that I've found are rather common: a sense of safety (physical and emotional) and a sense of value. I'll be discussing these tomorrow.
So just for today, remember what it feels like to love, and expand that feeling to encompass your entire being. It'll be like giving yourself a hug!
Helene
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