All you need is love... or is it? (Part 2)

The subject of human needs seems to vary depending on where you are in your life. But certain constants seem to emerge from my conversations with people. Yesterday, I discussed some of the aspects of the need for love, and I will return to this topic here as well. First, there are two other fundamental needs that I'd like to offer for your consideration.

When we discuss the need for safety, people generally think in terms of physical safety. Certainly, physical survival is at the core of our amygdala, better known as the "reptile brain", where ancient instincts prompt us to strive for life. In this day and age, however, if your basic survival needs are met in the form of a roof over your head and food on the table, the concept of physical safety takes on a different form. There is a difference between using common sense, such as locking your doors at night as a matter of course, and being preoccupied with protecting yourself. If you find yourself constantly vigilant about your safety, a state that the media appears to promote with reports about all of the different contaminants in food, soil and the air we breathe, threats of terrorism and disease, and risks to your financial wellbeing, then you may want to question yourself on how much of your life has been relinquished to fear. You must drive your car with your eyes open, but if you are overly focused on what could go wrong as you drive, there may be much that you are missing in your journey. You get to choose what you focus on, and by allowing trust in yourself to be foremost in your decisions, your life will lighten considerably.

However, the real purpose for discussing safety is the subconscious need for emotional safety. The prevalence of this need has actually come as a surprise to me since it's one that we normally underplay. But consider this: does it feel safe to be more successful than your parents? Is it safe to step outside of the norms of society and dare to experience who you really are, whether it be an interest in the metaphysical or a different sexual orientation? How safe does it feel to break away from an addiction, since you would no longer know how to define yourself?

Emotional safety seems to be at the basis of many patterns that we set our willpower to change with limited success. Unless we can acknowledge this hidden impetus for our behavior, then the ability to change and grow is severely constrained. Where could this apply in your life?

A fascinating example of safety issues being triggered happened to a friend of mine. He asked me about a swelling on the side of his neck that had been painful for over 4 months. He had visited his medical doctor, who twice put him on an antibiotic regiment with no results. When we traced back to what was taking place in his life when this problem first arose, we realized that it coincided with his decision that his then-current relationship with a passionately emotional woman would soon come to an end. It is precisely this which prompted my friend to (subconsciously) physically protect his jugular vein against a possible lashing out. Once this was brought to light, a short treatment with energy work was administered, and two days later the swelling had completely and permanently disappeared.

The second "need" that regularly arises is a sense of worth, a desire to feel that you are contributing somehow, whether to a conversation or to society. This is a little tricky to discuss, because what one person will consider valuable will be summarily dismissed by another. The ideal, according to many spiritual traditions such as the Tao Te Ching, is to place your full attention on and derive full satisfaction from any activity that you choose to perform. I have yet to be entirely and consistently successful at this. So while we work on that, it's a good reminder that what we do for ourselves, such as preparing a well-balanced meal or taking the time to improve our physical fitness, is just as important as what we do for others. That being said, if you're really feeling anxiety in this area, then I recommend helping someone for a few hours. The topic of uncovering your life's purpose will be the subject of a future post. For now, know that you are an individual with a set of skills, preferences and experiences that is completely unique, and the value that you bring cannot be fulfilled by any other.

As we move towards transcending external needs, we come back to love being at the basis of it all. Love is a magical emotion that not only heals, but also expands with use! There is actually no limit to the amount of love that your heart can express. And this is where it can become a little confusing. You can love someone deeply at the soul level without it having to take on the form of a romantic relationship. It happens rather frequently that people meet and connect instantly, especially in a setting such as a spiritual conference. We have been conditioned to associate such a strong heart connection to a destiny of long-term relationship, or even to the concept of soul mates. But as we move into a time where the planet's vibration is rising (as scientists have verified), remember that the heart is the first to respond, and it is through this expansion of the love held within everyone that peace will be found. So enjoy this love, share it if it feels right for you, and call upon your intuition and other senses to discern where this love fits in your life.

A final word about hugs... When you give a quick hug to someone, it's like saying: "I'm glad that I got to see you". But if you have the courage to extend the hug to ten or even thirty seconds, then you are saying: "I open my heart to you. I'm grateful that you're in my life." It's a beautiful, healing and even transforming experience that I, for one, am only too happy to share!

May you enjoy a hug today,
Helene